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There are, in romance, three kinds of men.
And before any of these three kinds of men is truly free to care
about the women in his life and the others around him, he must make an
inner journey that forces him to face his demons and let go of his
fears of where these lead.
We all, in our own ways, search for a kind of absolution.
When we are young we expect that to come in the form of young love. Movies overwhelmingly portray it as “the happiest ending possible”, so why not? Some choose that path and succeed, some choose it and feel inadequate for doing so, and some choose to walk away from it (as I did).
But the complexities do not end there, and the human condition is fraught with astounding complexity and specificity for each and every one of us. Our lives are all set to a very unique mould, and no two are exactly alike. However, there are some things that are unilateral in their own quirky ways and I hope to share a few tips about life.
In my next article after this one I will describe two paths: one of the guy who chooses teen love, the other who doesn’t and walks another path. However, in this article I’m going to start by shortly describing another path and then afterwards share some techniques it uncovers.
In my opinion there are two kinds of jealousy:
A lot of men feel jealous superficially and confuse it for something genuine. That is easy to fix, you just have to learn to move on. But occasionally some of us who are familiar with moving on get swept into a situation where genuine loss is felt, and no matter how hard we try we just can’t let it go.
In this article I’m going to talk about the second kind of jealousy and getting past the grief that comes with it.
Ever sleep with a new girl, only to end up feeling empty inside once all is said and done?
Ever struggle with seeing yourself as a victim, blaming the world for not giving you what it owes you?
Ever start taking successes and failures far too personally, and letting them mess with and control your emotions?
Ever let your own false sense of superiority lead you to treat other people in ways you later wish you hadn’t?
Sometimes it feels like you might never win. Everyone seems to have their game together except you. You feel like you are always trying to “catch up”. It eats away at you subconsciously until you seek the lows you are used to. You rationalize away fleeting successes. You feel overwhelmed and, worst of all, you aren’t sure you enjoyed it all that much.
Recently I have been afforded a window of opportunity to study this feeling in myself again. It has been a long time since I have felt like this with women, but now as I reflect upon it I think it is a topic worthy of getting into for you guys.
In any endeavor there are two kinds of difficulty:
Those obstacles that can be overcome by the resources you have access to (in the woods you can make a fire to keep warm),
And those obstacles that cannot be attained by seemingly any means (in those same woods you find out what it takes to survive).
In response to these two types of difficulty there are often two ways people respond: they become a "workaholic" in regards to the things they can influence, or they become a "protestor" for a certain kind of symbolic change that will modify what is attainable and what isn't.
These two kinds of difficulties lead to much of what you can see in the world, whether it be the man protesting how girls need to change, or the man who constantly strives to be "on top" so that he might have greater perceived value than others.
When it comes to HARD work both types of men have justifications for their own version.
Whether the argument is about responsibility or about change often shapes a man's image to the rest of the world. Is he hard at work at being the best of the choices we have, or is he hard at work to expand/change those choices? Both approaches have their merits, but I introduce you to these two approaches to illustrate a third kind of difficulty.
I’ve recently been talking about fundamentals that help you get your foot into the club scenes, whether it be having the right light-hearted approach, or introducing your personality in a way that embraces the challenges brought on by the club scene.
Here I want to talk about how you really should be merging your persona with your activities when out in public.
First off, let me say, yes, there is a certain stigma and social pressure put on ANYBODY who is active socially in public. People might view you outrageous, unfairly privileged, amoral, or even shame you for being outgoing.
Sometimes, just for waving at a person, someone else may see you as arrogant; or for having a sex life, people can think you “unrealistic” or “irresponsible”; and for being proud of your growth you will face snickers from people that think a man who self improves is “weak” for admitting he is not already perfect.
It is easy to feel uncertain about yourself when any of these judgements are circling you. It can feel like if you make a mistake people are going to make it worse and it will destroy your image.
You will FEEL a resistance to becoming part of any scene because of this feeling of doubt and indecision. And it is natural to close up and think “Well, IF I act conservative enough, then I’ll slip through undetected”. However, for most people, even though they TRY to not get caught out, the fact is, sometimes you just are.
A lot of guys new to game view clubbing as a natural and easy first step. We think that immediately jumping into the deep-end and trying to swim is “obviously” the biggest and best move we have at our disposal to get more success meeting girls. But what if jumping into clubbing too fast reduces opportunities and causes early plateaus?
When it comes to clubbing, if you don’t hit the right notes, it is very easy to slip into the background of the club, ignored and unsuccessful, and being in that background encourages all kinds of bad habits and mistakes to form or grow out of control.
If I was to sum this central message of this article intro one sound-byte, it would be: make sure you are going in with a good chance of coming out ahead. Doing so obviously comes down to solid foundations, but it also comes down to some very specific foundations that are needed in clubs specifically.
The guys at Girls Chase have covered some of the big ones, like moving fast, selection, and mindsets, but there is another layer of preparation that exists just below this advice that ensures you optimize your clubbing, whether or not you can pull the aforementioned off.
These pre-club foundations act like a bridge between a naturally attractive attitude outside of the club, and a naturally ACTIVE attitude inside the club.
And they’re what we’ll be talking about today.
Ever feel like everyone out there wants to take advantage of you and use you for their own ends?
It isn’t the case that everyone
does... unfortunately, if you have a certain kind of history, sometimes
you may not be able to tell the people who will be good influences in
your life with good intentions for you from the people who will be bad
influences and only want to take things from you it will not benefit
you to give them.
In life, you start off at a disadvantage. You are dependent on others to rear you into adulthood, and usually that goes “okay”; but sometimes it goes in some messed up directions, and sometimes it’s the world’s doing, while other times it is your own ignorance that’s responsible.
This dual possibility leaves a lot of people playing it so safe, or so close to the chest that whether they are harming themselves in the line of fire from forces beyond them, or are getting by “okay”, and so they choose the same path they’ve always been on to get them into adulthood.
Those suffering abuse often take a lot more of it before they see that the source isn’t them and it’s some other weirdo deceiving them and gas-lighting them. Those suffering under their own ignorance cocoon themselves in paranoia and take up vindictive mindsets. Those who get reared “okay” are usually roped into their parent’s troubled relationships or attempts to appear like an unquestionable authority to their child.
No matter which way you spin it, you always end up to some degree dazed and confused, wondering how the hell you got here, and why you couldn’t have just had a no strings attached rearing into adulthood, and a nice introduction into the world upfront.
I've talked a lot on Girls Chase about having foundations, thinking things through, and addressing your ego, and now that I have done that it is time to talk about the real issues men face when trying to learn how to meet girls clubbing.
In my experience, most guys that are going out to clubs trying to figure girls out are en masse coming at the whole issue from the wrong angle. I can't pinpoint or classify the error of the approach precisely, but it always ends the same way - guys taking everything very seriously and getting very stern and upset about the wrong things.
I get why guys going out at night end up frustrated and saddened by
the experience, and I would completely feel the same way if I was back
in that grind again myself.
However, the big problem here is that guys are aiming for "big wins", and not being patient and accepting enough about "a good process" and improvements coming from within.
Among men studying the social arts, women’s ultimate goal is often misinterpreted as the pursuit of sex.
In this article I will describe their real goal and how it is often distorted by those in some form of a scarcity mindset. We will also go much deeper than this, as we will be looking at your real goal as well as women’s.
To begin this subject, I can’t really delay introducing you to the ultimate goal, so, in the spirit of openness, here it is. But before you make your judgement upon it, read the rest of the article and see how your view of it changes.
The ultimate goal (of women AND men) is to free oneself from becoming frozen in fear of judgement… and to do this without hurting or taking advantage of others for one’s own comfort and ease.
Is it better to go into a situation with a woman knowing nothing at all (the hopeful-but-clueless guy), or is it better to know the negatives and the struggles but not have any of the answers (the bitter-and-cynical guy)?
The answer might surprise you, because whilst you would expect
knowledge of negatives to act as a disincentive to getting used or
short-changed, being naïve can provide incentives, like getting the
benefit of the doubt and more opportunities. Does this mean it’s better
being naïve than jaded?
Put differently, is it better to know the downfalls and potentially avoid them, or to be given more opportunities yet possibly not take advantage of them?
Now here’s the answer:
It is a trick question, because in both scenarios the man cannot take opportunities or put women on their best behavior... meaning the results will always be that you have less opportunities and less respect than is ideal, whether you are naïve or you are jaded.
Especially since with naïve or jaded, these are the two places we often start as men.