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One question that confuses the hell out of a lot of guys (and also confused the hell out of me when I first learned all this sexual Jedi mind power stuff) is how long to wait before calling (or texting) a girl… and how to move things forward towards a date and beyond once you do call her.
You may have heard that you should not be too eager, and you may even have heard about the three day rule… get in touch with her after three days.
Then again, that one is so common now that a text or call after three days doesn’t really surprise anyone anymore…
What’s a man to do?
And what about dates… how can you really sweep a woman off her feet anymore, or should you even be concerned with that question?
What if you don’t want to drink alcohol… and even if you do, can’t “drinks” be too stiff or formal?
What’s the right way to go?
Does meeting women sometimes seem like rocket science to
you? Do you
get nervous with women and
trip over your own two feet?
Wow… there is so much stuff to read, so many things to work on internally, so many things to consider at every step of the way when talking to girls…
And one single mistake can be fatal, and lose you a girl that was totally into you.
No, far be it from me to tell you that this skill is incredibly easy, and that you need to “just be yourself” and run “natural game”… if that worked, none of us would be here right now.
At the same time, there is also something that is worse than not knowing what to do… and that is “paralysis by analysis:” when the fear of doing the wrong thing leads you to do nothing at all, which is obviously also going to get you no results at all.
Or you think you need just a little bit more information before you can finally start going out and meeting women.
Or maybe all the information doesn’t paralyze you, but you do lose track of all the things you should be doing on a date and end up stuck in your head, or even more nervous and stiff because you’re thinking too hard about what to say next.
I’ve been there… I’m a pretty analytical person, and so I got stuck in that pattern too for a while.
And because I don’t want you stuck there for long too, here’s how to avoid it.
I have bad news today…
The path to success really sucks.
Building a successful, thriving business is bloody tough… BUT there is one thing that sucks even more: being a slave in a cubicle or a factory for forty years and never having enough money to live the life of your dreams.
Eating healthy and hitting the gym every day is bloody tough too… BUT there is one thing that sucks even more: being out of shape, low on energy, unattractively chubby and unhealthy.
And becoming a master in your dating life is equally tough… there is nothing worse than going out there day after day, getting rejected by woman after woman and failing over and over.
Except for one thing: not having options in women, and either staying alone or settling for something less than your dream girl.
Chase recently dropped an absolute value nuke on this blog… a spectacular post about how to master anything. In that post, he discussed that in our group of friends, every single last one is “crazy.” We all deviate from the “norm” in some way… which is what drives us to create lives that go way beyond a picket fence and 1.7 kids.
But there is a second trait that every one of us has, some more than others (I think Chase has us all beat there)… and that trait is GRIT.
One of the themes that keeps coming up on this site is framing… and more specifically, sexual framing.
We've covered this topic before in posts like “Chase Framing” and my original
post on the sexual frame,
and I’m returning to it here to answer some of the questions guys had
for me over on sexual frame post #1 and flesh out the how-to of sexual
framing a bit more.
In terms of your fundamentals, it is really THE most important skill, because it determines the meaning of everything you say, and hence the impact of your words and therefore also the outcome of all your interactions!
Once you’re at ninja level with your verbal frame control skills, you can put any kind of “stamp” on any interaction with women… or with anyone else, really.
You can turn any conversation sexual, which also means that you can turn almost any relationship sexual.
By the same token, you can also turn any conversation into a monogamous relationship, if you so choose.
BUT here’s the problem:
If you DON’T understand framing… if you DON’T have this skill down PAT, you will STILL be setting frames, but without being aware of it... because every word out of your mouth comes with a frame.
Hey guys –
It’s been almost a year since I started working with my good friend Chase (wow, time flies) – and it has been an incredibly busy year. And while I’ve dropped about 150,000 words of 10 years’ experience in picking up women on the blog, I haven’t always had time to get back to everyone who wrote in with questions or comments.
It’s time to remedy that… I really appreciate all your feedback, it lets me know how we can bring more value to you and it’s also great to know that our work is really helping people out – so thanks for all the comments, even and especially the ones who just stopped by to let us know how much this blog has helped them out. That’s fantastic and part of what makes this work so incredibly gratifying.
Now, I just went back over all the comments you have left on my posts, and I am going to get all the questions answered that I think every reader will be able to benefit from. That means I won’t be answering questions about “this one special girl,” unless my advice in the situation is broadly applicable and will be useful to other readers as well. But there have been a lot of very smart questions that I thought were very interesting and worth having a closer look at for everyone.
We’re starting off the series with a follow-up to the post on going out alone, with more on going stag and going out by yourself. This is one
of the best ways to meet
new women, but it’s also a scary and unusual one for most newer guys -
it’s a worthy place to kick off this new series, in other words.
Furthermore, I will be answering comments on this series – either directly, or if the questions are very involved, in future blog posts – so now is the time to let me know what you’re struggling with. Of course I won’t be able to go into the same depth as we do in our phone coaching program, but if we can get some of the more pressing problems solved for ya and take your dating life to the next level right here and right now, then I’ll say we’ll have achieved our goal! So feel free to hit reply and post your question.
I’ve had a few guys ask me recently about the instant date, one of which is a comment I address further on down in this post.
And the point I’ve been making here repeatedly is… instant dates are good where applicable.
But you don’t need them to pick up girls.
Let me start at the beginning though.
Remember the post on getting your sexy vibe, where on the day I had a date with the virgin, but she had to leave early because her brother needed a ride?
Well, the good thing about dating multiple women is that you’re never empty-handed… no matter what happens.
And after the first girl had left, I found myself alone in my apartment, and not yet ready for my evening to be over… chatting to some of my girls on Facebook, to see who would be up for some spontaneous naughtiness.
Today I wanted to share a few more of my dating tales - this post is
more a grab bag of experiences and tips and stories, but I wanted to
talk about a girl I met from a long time before, a simple hand-test I
love doing with women that tells both them and you a lot about each
other, and a friend of mine who let obsession take him too far.
I was standing at the subway station, waiting for Sandra* to arrive… she was to be my date for the evening.
*Names and places changed to “protect the guilty.”
Suddenly, a beautiful girl left the train and headed towards me, smiling… and it’s not the Sandra I was expecting.
I must have gotten my Sandras confused…
But who in the world was this girl?!
Aarrrrgh procrastination got me.
I had worked very hard to set up my life in a way where I’d have a lot of free time, and all for the explicit purpose of going out to meet new girls… yet there I was, dicking around on the internet, watching movies and chilling with my buddies.
Have you ever had that problem… when you’re busy, you say to
yourself: “If only
I had the free time to approach more girls!”
But then once you have free time, you somehow get lazy and complacent… until your calendar is suddenly jammed again and you regret not having taken advantage of the golden opportunity you had?
We’re often our own worst enemies, and the reality is that everyone procrastinates… I’m no exception, sometimes. Even Napoleon Hill said he was not entirely free from it… but at the very least, one thing is true: the more you refine your ability to pick up girls, the less you will procrastinate out of fear, and the more it will be out of laziness.
You know for a fact you can go out and get laid with a hot girl in a matter of few days and highly likely, today (and if you don't know that yet, well, that's what this site is for!)… but you first have to beat inertia. You first have to resist calling one of your girlfriends over, and instead make yourself look sharp and hit the town!
Of course once you get going, it’s so much fun that you don’t want to stop… but until you get to that point, you can lose a LOT of time that you will later regret not having made better use of.
“Whatever you do… don’t hook up with the brunette!”
I closed my phone and looked around… how could he possibly have known that I was with this girl… and why was he telling me to keep my hands off her?
Did he know her… and WHAT did he know about her?
I couldn’t think of anything. After all, I hadn’t been introduced to her through my social circle… in fact, that’s not really how I meet girls at ALL; I almost never meet women that way.
I much prefer striking up conversations with total strangers.
No messy politics, no gossip, no social scheming, no drama.
Just me and a girl… and all the exciting things we can find out about each other and experience together.
Breakups are a lot less messy too if you don’t have a lot of friends in common.
But back to the brunette, and back to the “Boots on the Ground” series - here’s how I had met her, and some takeaways you can use TODAY to improve your dating life…
I couldn’t believe it when she told me…
She was 25 years old and had a banging hot body… one that I was just about to peal out of her sexy, tight jeans. She had a belly button piercing and fake boobs… yet here she was lying next to me, telling me she was a virgin.
Just when you think nothing’s going to surprise you anymore… well, meeting women during the day truly is Forrest’s proverbial box of chocolates.
But, at least that explained why it had taken me a while to get together with her.
Most women will sleep with a guy the first night, so long as he sets the right frame as a sexual man and creates a sexy vibe… but if she’s never been with a guy before, it may take her a bit longer to get truly comfortable.
In one of my most recent articles, on the girl who says she has a boyfriend and why it doesn’t matter, I wrote about nymphomaniacs, strippers and party girls… and how much fun they can be. Today, I’ll talk a bit about the opposite end of the spectrum… and I’ll let you in on some of the secrets of hooking up with girls who are far less wild and far less experienced.
That can be a very interesting experience in its own right… in fact, one good friend of mine and fellow dating coach specializes in virgins… he gets a kick out of being the first man in a girl’s life and teaching her the ins and outs of one of the best things life has to offer.
But why would a virgin go with a professional seducer, out of all people?