How to Erase Your Jealousy (Without Turning Into a Pushover) | Girls Chase

How to Erase Your Jealousy (Without Turning Into a Pushover)

Chase Amante

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get rid of jealousy
Jealousy is a green-eyed monster. But to overcome it, you must adjust both your focus, and steer your partner’s worst behavior.

Sometimes you’ve got a girlfriend who’s a bit of a flirt and keeps guys around her on a hook. Sometimes you’ve got a girlfriend who’s a little oblivious (or at least, presents herself that way)... and keeps men around whose intentions with her are more than platonic, yet she acts like she doesn’t see it. Sometimes she doesn’t do any of that, but you’re nervous anyway. Maybe a girl’s burned you in the past, or you’re just a little short on trust in general. Regardless the reason, you know jealousy’s an issue for you... and it’s time to rein it in a bit.

This article is not about how to prevent cheating. If you need that, read my article on it: “How to Prevent Cheating by Your Girlfriend.” Nor is this article about how to screen for girls less likely to cause problems or cheat; for that, check out the list of resources in this article: “Her Raw Material or Your Relationship Skills: Which Matters More?

Instead, this article is a reframe of normal male jealousy. For this article, we’ll assume you’re in a fairly healthy, fairly safe relationship where cheating is not that big of a real issue. If infidelity is a big issue, of course, you shouldn’t read an article on how to get rid of jealousy. You should, rather, probably read about how to get rid of a troublesome partner and replace her with someone less heartache-inducing.

We’re going to walk a bit of a fine line here. Because the goal is not to totally and completely erase jealousy altogether. Think of jealousy as a warning sign. It’s your canary in the coalmine. If the canary flips out and starts to chirp and squawk every time somebody comes down the mine elevator, it’s obviously not doing its job so well. But you don’t want to completely take the canary out of the mine either; otherwise you’ll receive no warning when the roof is about to collapse.

So, in this article, we will seek to get jealousy focused on only the right signals – and train it to ignore that which is not as much of a threat (or at least, that which is less of a threat).

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.

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Comments

Anonymous's picture

Chase,

I've noticed that in this article and in others, you appear to be open to breaking up with a girl fairly hastily (at least compared to most people) in favor of a higher mission and/or replacing her if things aren't going well.

This totally makes sense to me in the context of shorter relationships. But what about longer ones? What if I've been dating someone for 5+ years and an undesirable behavior comes up. I feel as though just being ready to end it in favor of a higher purpose would be a bit more difficult and perhaps even unreasonable (i.e. given that I've spent so much time on it, it would be worth it to put a little more effort into making it work than just a few short talks, and if those don't work, an ultimatum). Have you had experience in this situation before? What was it like?

Robinhood's picture

Hello Chase. How to handle the jealousy when you are not yet commited and the girl uses jealousy - like how many guys are hitting on her and how the guy who hit on her was alright,not a hobo or drunk (her words of course lol) - to get you to commit to her? All these stories of guys hitting on her happen at work or on street or while shopping, she doesn't go anywhere specific to get hit on. Also telling me how she wasn't looking at him and avoided the situation. Is this normal girl behaviour to show how in demand she is and get you to commit or a red flag? Thanks Chase, keep up the great work!

Dale's picture

I have had women deliberately try to make me jealous:
1. A woman I was proposing to joined a dating service. Years later told me she did it to make me jealous. (By then I knew the reason why she had been doing that).
2. Another woman broke up with me and then showed up at a dance with a new guy. When I asked her to dance so I could tell her I was glad to have known her, she cried for hours.
3. Several other times looking back, though never so clearly announced.

P.S. Robinhood She wants you to show more committment (or interest).

SZ's picture

Hey Chase,

1. I don't know if it's me not noticing or I'm just not having any luck at all, but I have been out for several days and haven't gotten any approach signals at all.

I'm black, muscular, have a deep voice, a nice haircut, and I dress well, i walk slow and powerful, etc. But for some reason I don't see many inventions at all, do you think it's because I'm black ? Most of these girls i see are different races. What could the reason be that I'm not getting anything ? This has gone on for years, I don't get girls checking me out when I'm out in the day like that.

What more can I do ? I want more approach invitations. I feel my fundamentals are excellent.

2. What should we do before the approach right when we see the girl? I always feel I'm not ready because I didn't plan to approach girls at this time, so I end up just forgoing it. I don't like that, I also am not dressed with the button up and jeans. I work out a lot, so I usually have on shorts or fitted sweats, with a nice shirt and nice kicks. But I let it all get in my head that I'm not dressed good enough, but the funny thing is, these girls aren't dressed well either, they're worrying regular clothes. So how can I stay ready to pick up when I'm not ready ? Should I have affirmations or anything when I see a girl? Like me picking her up and her behaving positivity? Or should I just go in mindfully?

3. I won't lie, I don't really dress up to pick up except when I'm in the club. I feel it's a waste to dress nice to go to the store then go back home, especially if it's late or I'm coming from the gym, seems a bit odd too at those times. Is there a way you know I could make myself sexier with workout gear on ?

4. You have any new advice for black men in 2018? I literally have nothing but other race girls in all the areas I go to. It sucks, I of course think they don't like me because of my race. I can't think of what else I could do, but maybe you might have noticed more things a black man can do to get better with women of all races in 2018. I wish I could have more black women, but I gotta work with what I got.

The race thing is really getting into my head because I'm not getting invitations from these women and they are all not black. It's making this hard for me to approach and gives me doubts.

So I'm wondering what a black man can do to make it easier.

Appreciate the help.

DJJJJJJJ's picture

Hey Chase,

Big fan!

Nice article, but how to bring up the topic of the human nature argument? Just out of the blue? Or start it with a serious "so I need to tell you this..." or very laid back "Hey by the way, that friend you're close with, just thought I'd bring up that..."?

Cheers,

DJ

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